“I was way too young when I got married, but we were so in love. My mother told me not to marry him, but of course I wouldn’t listen. After just a few months, my husband became very abusive, verbally and emotionally. He wouldn’t let me talk to my family or have any friends or even leave our room. Meanwhile, he would go out drinking with his buddies. I was trapped, angry, and afraid. I tried to leave twice, but ended up going back. I thought maybe he would change, but he never did. Things would be better for a while, then he would go back to his old ways. Finally, I told someone what was happening. She helped me find a shelter, and the shelter people helped me start a new life. I’d say to anyone in my position, ‘If I could do it with three kids, no job, and hardly any clothes or money, you can too. There are people who will help you.’”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
If you need help, here are some possible resources:
Family Safety Center
The Exchange Club
Memphis Area Women's Council
Family Safety Center
The Exchange Club
Memphis Area Women's Council
Should you find yourself in a similar situation, Sophea has these tips to pass along:
- Make a plan and think it through.
- Contact DHS (or one of the resources listed above) and tell them what is happening. They will help you find a shelter.
- Don't tell anyone about your plan, and don't go to friends or family. The abuser will go to them first to try to find out where you are. The less they know, the better.
- Don't leave "signs" around. For example, don't pack a suitcase and hide it in a closet. He will find it.
- Find a safe way to leave. Don't try to leave while the abuser is home or asleep. He will hear you.
- Arrange to be dropped off in a neutral location to meet up with the shelter people. That way, the one who dropped you off won't be able to tell the abuser where you are.
- If you have a job, don't go back there. That will be the first place he looks.
- At a shelter, you can get the care and information you need (ex: food stamps, therapists).
- If you have a church family, they can help and guide you.
- Don't worry about what anybody else says. Remember why you are doing this. It is for your kids and for yourself.
- Once you make up your mind, don't look back.
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