Lydia: “I was so disoriented. I kept thinking, ‘Did I just have a baby? Where is she? What’s wrong?’ They kept telling us all the things that might happen, but it just didn’t register. I felt very disconnected with the experience. We had only minimal physical contact with her, and I knew it was for her safety, but it didn't seem real. I was the one who was supposed to be holding her, feeding her, bathing her, and I couldn’t. She would do a little better, then there would be a setback. I was discharged from the hospital after 3 days, but we had to leave her there, and it was so hard. I wasn’t sure what my role was in my baby’s life. I was her mother, but I wasn’t. We went to the NICU two or three times every day. I worried that I wasn’t spending enough time with our 1-year-old, Josiah. Zoe had nurses around to help her and she had us, but Josiah needed me too. I tried to compensate, but I always felt like he wasn’t getting the attention he should be getting.
“Zoe was in the NICU from February 24 till April 10. The first week she was home, we didn’t sleep at all. I watched her every minute to make sure she was still breathing. In the hospital her monitors would have gone off if there was a problem, but we didn’t have monitors at home. Any time she cried, I jumped and thought, ‘What’s wrong?’ It took a long time to realize that she’s a baby, and babies cry. It’s normal.
“She’s almost 5 months old now, and I’m still not at ease about her. She’s being checked twice a week to make sure she’s all right and that she’s hitting her milestones, but I worry, ‘What if they find something wrong?’ I’m still not sure if she’s going to be okay. In my heart, I know God is taking care of her, but I can’t stop worrying."
Andrew: “We’ve had such a huge outpouring of love and support from friends and our church family. They’ve brought food, babysat Josiah, and given us money to help with expenses. They’ve helped us keep our heads above water. This is not something anyone should have to go through alone.”