Blog Archives

Edward

2/19/2016

"Never grow up. It's okay to pretend to be a grownup for a few decades if you have to, to make a living, but remember --- you're only pretending!"

Edward and Eunice Ordman, MIRG (Memphis Inter-Religious Group)
Travel writing: http://inotherplaces.com/
"We have traveled a great deal. Much of it has been with charitable groups or in connection with our work as university teachers, and the purpose of much of it has been to try to learn more about other cultures and about how people live and what people think."

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Shajuan

2/18/2016

“My granddaddy coached a peewee basketball team, and that’s where I got started. I was three years old, and after the first game I played in, I never wanted to leave the gym. I think it’s just in my blood. I played all through elementary, middle, and now high school. Recently, I hit the floor really hard during a game and broke my pelvis, but I didn’t know it was broken at first. It was hurting real bad, but when you’re out there, you’re in a different zone, the crowd energy, the energy everywhere, you just forget about it. I think that’s what I live for: energy. I thought it was just a pulled muscle, so I finished that game and played 7 or 8 more before the third doctor I saw decided it was fractured. I’m out for another 4-6 weeks, but I’m still at every game, wearing my suit and tie, sitting on the sidelines, and cheering the team on. That’s what Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, and other NBA players do when they’re injured. I cheer everybody on and tell them, 'You can do it! You’re good, you’re good! Play harder! Way to go!' The coach has to point out what’s going wrong, but I don’t. Also, I can see things from the bench that I would never see if I were playing. It’s a different perspective.

“When you lose a game, it burns, but you learn from it. The coach shows you what you could have done better and then points out what you did right. You might lose the next game, but it won’t be because you make the same mistake.

“Everything you want to be good at takes practice. Like in class, you can’t say to yourself, 'He reads better than I do, so I won’t read at all.' No. You practice and get better at it. If you work, success will find you. It’s all about preparation. If I know I shot a hundred free throws the day before the game, then when game time comes, it’s going to be like, 'All right, no pressure. Let me shoot these free throws and knock both of them down.' But if I don’t practice, then I’m thinking, 'What am I going to do when I get to the line?' Your thoughts turn into fear. You have to practice to be prepared. I do something every day to get ready. That goes with anything. You have to work for it. My daddy makes me work for what I get, and that’s something I’m going to pass on to my own kids someday. Basketball isn’t just for now. It’s for life.”

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Ieshia

2/17/2016

"My mama and daddy haven't ever been together, so it's hard to know what love is, but I know what it's not. I was in a domestic violence situation where a gun was pulled on me, but I talked him out of shooting me. Then one day he just left and never came back. I know that's not love. After that, I decided to just focus on my goals. Guys can wait till later. I've got a $10,000 track scholarship to Union College in Kentucky, and I'm starting school in August, so I go to the gym and work out every day because when I get there, I'll be competing with all those college girls. Right now, I have to save up for a car so I can get there. There's nobody here who will take me."

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Kathy

2/16/2016

“I used to travel a lot with my job and for pleasure, but when my father had a stroke four years ago, all that changed. I’m an only child, so after he got out of the hospital and rehab facility, all the responsibility of caring for him fell on me. The stroke affected his speech and paralyzed one side of his body. He can’t walk or do the outdoor things he used to enjoy, and he can’t be left alone for very long. I was working full-time, trying to take care of him, and getting so stressed out that I ended up in the ER more than once myself. People don’t talk a lot about how difficult a caregiver’s job is, but it takes a mental, emotional, and physical toll. I had to move into a job that was more flexible and figure out ways to get organized and make life manageable again. I’m an avid researcher, so I dove in and found a lot of resources that I began sharing with other caregivers. I hadn’t realized before how many friends and colleagues had been caring for their elderly parents for years; people just seemed to come out of the woodwork. I started a Facebook page (The Caregiver Project) for information sharing and as a place to tell our stories. Caregivers need support; people need to know what these families are going through. The more research I did and the more families I talked to, the more I wanted to make a documentary about what life is like day to day when you’re the caregiver for an elderly parent. The film features five households, including mine, and is being reviewed for broadcast now. I used to wonder about my purpose in life, but it seems that my education, training, and experiences are all coming together to help people---our family included---navigate this difficult journey so many of us find ourselves on.”

Click HERE or on the image below to see the trailer for the documentary I Am a Caregiver:

Kathy O. Lofton
FB: The Caregiver Project
Website: http://www.kathyolofton.com

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Nikeria

2/15/2016

"My dream is to study fashion design at Spelman. I like geometric patterns, and I want to design clothes for children. I'm in an art and fashion club at my school now."

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Jercoby

2/14/2016

"The person I admire most in the world is my father. Growing up, my childhood wasn't that great, but he always showed me that if I continued to work hard, better days would come. He has a great work ethic. There were times he wanted to give up, but when he looked at the outcome of working hard, he continued to push through. He's a good leader, He takes the initiative when it's time to get the job done. I try to grow from what he teaches me."

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Laquita

2/13/2016

"My husband and I were best friends before we were ever interested in each other. We've been married 22 years now, and we're still best friends. We've never been apart. No matter if we have an argument, we still go to bed together at night. Nobody leaves. To make a marriage good, you have to compromise, you have to give as well as take, and sometimes you just have to shut up and listen. Even if the other person is wrong, you still have to listen."

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Katie

2/12/2016

“My husband and I adopted our son from an Ethiopian orphanage when he was four years old. His birth mother was very poor, couldn’t care for him, and had already surrendered her rights before we ever knew about him. Although we hired someone to find her and we send her updates on how he’s doing, I really wrestled with the fact that she had to make such a difficult decision. In her circumstances, she felt that she had no other choice. I think it’s because I’ve reflected so much on that experience that I developed a real interest in helping struggling families stay together whenever it’s safe and possible. That’s the idea behind Safe Families for Children; I’ve been working with them for about a year now.

“A lot of families who reach out to us are referred by DCS, MIFA, CPS, or another helping agency and are at risk of having their children enter foster care. We work with them and relieve them of the responsibility of having to manage their day-to-day lives and take care of their children at the same time. The children stay with a host family while the parent (often a single mom) looks for a job and gets on her feet. She can’t very well take a child along with her on a job interview, for instance. One host family keeps the children, while another works with Mom to help her network and find the resources she needs. It’s not a foster care situation. Foster care is when children are removed by the state, the parent has no choice about it, and the foster family receives a stipend to help with expenses. With Safe Families, parents who are struggling place their children with us voluntarily, retain custody, and are still considered the primary parents. They’re not in the legal system, there’s lots of contact between the parents and their children, there’s no monetary compensation for the host family, no cost for the parents, and the relationship that develops is more like extended family. It’s similar to a child staying with an aunt and uncle while Mom gets her life back on track.

“Often, churches want to be more involved in helping the community, but they don’t know where to start. Safe Families provides a way that’s a little easier to navigate than going through the state or trying to start a brand-new program. We already have the framework in place. We do the criminal background checks and home studies, we provide training, and we’re there for help and advice along the way. Our host families are made up of people who feel blessed and just want to help. They deal with children and adults who have been through a lot, so it’s not easy work, but it keeps families together and helps them develop a better future story.”

Katie Dunlap, Safe Families for Children Coordinator
Website: http://safe-families.org/
FB: Safe Families for Children - Memphis
Email: kdunlap@bethany.org
Phone: 901-312-5983 or 662-446-2820

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Michael

2/11/2016

"My sister is my hero. When I'm down and out, she comes and helps me. I go to church with her every Sunday. She's a good person. I love her."

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Christy

2/10/2016

“I didn’t see the red flags in the beginning. He was so charming. He cooked dinner for me, bought me things, sent me flowers, and told me he loved me. We hadn’t been dating long when he said, ‘Don’t ever leave me. I couldn’t take it if you did.’ At the time, I was so caught up in the romance that I thought it was a compliment. He struggled with very dark moods and fits of anger, but I thought I could change that. I believed I was the one who would make him happy, the one who could save him. Things happened during the course of our dating, but somehow I always managed to rationalize his behavior. He’d apologize, give me gifts, act like nothing had happened, and I’d think, ‘Oh, it’s okay, he’s okay.’

“He was controlling while we were dating, but things really escalated after we were married. I became like a chameleon, losing myself in what he wanted me to be and do. The doctor put him on anti-depressants, but they didn’t seem to help. He tore photos of me into little pieces and scattered them all over the floor, destroyed an oil portrait of me, and had explosive fits. I was seven months pregnant and having complications when he flew into a rage one night, broke an appliance completely apart, and made me get down on my hands and knees to pick up all the pieces. He said it was my fault and that these things wouldn’t happen if I did what I was supposed to do. One day I came home and found that he had broken the dog’s two front legs. He isolated me from everyone and accused me of being a lesbian when I wanted women friends. He hid my jewelry and took my keys. I had to get rides to work, and he’d call and harass me on the job.

“I wanted out, but he had power and money and said that if I left him, he would get the children. I was afraid of what might happen to them, so I stayed. He took my cell phone, but I was able to get another one and started sleeping in cargo pants every night, hiding the phone in my pocket. I felt like something was going to happen, but I didn’t know what. Then one night he threw me hard against the wall three times, choked me, then took me outside and pushed me toward the car. I asked him if I could just please tie my shoes, and when he let go of me, I bolted. I pounded on a neighbor’s door for help, and when I looked back, he was gone. I found out a short time later that he had driven to the highway, parked on the side of the road, and stepped right out into the path of an 18-wheeler.

“I would say to anyone in an emotionally / mentally abusive relationship: Don’t wait until you get a bruise. He never left any marks on me until the night he choked me. It’s not going to get better. He may give you gifts, roses, and promises, but it’s not going to change. The longer you stay, the sooner you will lose your life. I have healthy boundaries now, and I’m teaching my children boundaries.”

* NOTE: Both men and women can be victims of emotional, mental, and physical abuse. Both men and women can be perpetrators as well. Intervention is critical. If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, please seek help.

From the Family Safety Center of Memphis: We help victims with any type of abuse. Mental and emotional abuse are just as damaging as physical, so we will assist them exactly the same. Our 24/7 hotline is (901) 222-4400.

Other resources include:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline Toll Free: 800-799-7233 / 800-799-SAFE / TTY: 800-787-3224
Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness
Get Help: Resources and First Steps

Christy's website: Domestic Violence - More Than Bruises

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